Many parents ask “Are you a cry-it-out proponent or family bed advocate? Do I have to stop breastfeeding to sleep coach my child? Do I have to choose between two camps: co-sleeping/no crying or crib/cry-it-out?”
You do not have to pick a camp; this isn’t about right or wrong.
It’s about what is working for you and your family.
It is true that the CIO method and the starker extinction methods can work well and a bit faster than gentler methods IF you as the parent can follow through consistently and for long enough.
The Gentle Sleep Coach® philosophy was developed by Kim West LCSW-C, The Sleep Lady® because she found so many parents had difficulty following through with a sleep coaching program that they feared would damage their child emotionally or filled them with so much guilt, they couldn’t follow through.
The Gentle Sleep Coaching approach is a gentler alternative for families who philosophically resist letting their babies cry it out, for families who tried “Ferber” (controlled crying) and it didn’t work, and for families who let their baby cry-it-out earlier but now, find it doesn’t help. It is also for families who believe in co-sleeping but find that their children aren’t really sleeping all that well, even nestled snugly with their parents. Or for families who did co-sleep for a few months to a few years and now want the family bed to revert back to the parental one.
Can you guarantee “no crying” you might ask? No, no one really can. For example, if you as the parent have taught your child that the way to fall asleep is to be held to sleep for all naps, bedtime and wakings and you decide that you want to change this, your child will naturally protest or resist this change. After all, they don’t know why you have changed your approach. If your child is pre-verbal, then they will cry. My goal is to have as little crying as possible. I encourage parents to be loving and responsive but to allow the child the room to learn this vital life skill of putting themselves to sleep. The parent responds and stays with their child and offers physical and verbal reassurance, without putting the child to sleep. This supports the development of a secure attachment between parent and child.
Answers to a few other commonly asked questions:
Fed is best. It is never necessary to end breastfeeding or night feeds by breast or bottle, when sleep coaching.
- You can continue to room share while sleep coaching.
- I work with parents of children ages 6 months to 6 years old. For babies under 6 months, I will consult with parents on how to set up healthy sleep habits from the start and if appropriate, how to gently shape their sleep.
The art of putting oneself to sleep is a priceless gift you can give your child and your entire family.